I need, I need, I need

Jackie Needs a Friend.
Jackie needs to pose for Playboy. (I’m thinking NO! but w/e)
Jackie needs an honest answer
JACKIE needs a home (have one thanks though)
Jackie needs to bake enough cookies to fill 10 bags with 6 cookies in each bag (I do?_
Jackie Needs More Tiles (what?!)
Jackie Needs YOU!
Jackie needs help with writing Topic Summary: OT issue?
Jackie needs a new man for Christmas (I beg to differ...mine is wonderful)
Jackie needs more love (doesn’t everybody?)
Jackie needs to be funny every second (what…I’m not already?)
Jackie needs to learn to read
Jackie needs prayer for her painkiller addiction (crap, who ratted me out?)
Jackie needs a sidekick (any takers?)
Jackie needs to order up a double dose of cow brains sautéed in American wine (ewww….)
Jackie needs to learn from her correspondent how to stop being an “ice queen” (and I thought I was a pretty nice person)
Jackie needs to do a serious martial arts movie (oh yeah…)
Jackie needs a dose of real world reality and being an Avon lady doesn't count!
Jackie needs Hollywood
Jackie needs to write her Master’s paper NOW
Jackie needs to deliver the drugs to New Orleans (gosh people quit telling my secrets!)
Jackie needs your help in finding the magical talismans from around the world and fighting off villains with kung fu
Jackie needs an ashtray
Jackie needs a helmet
Jackie needs to lay off the tobacky
Jackie needs a hug (sure do!)
Jackie needs no introduction (because I’m famous)
Jackie needs a dose of real-world reality and being an Avon lady doesn't count!"
Jackie Needs Silence (Amen!)
Jackie needs to be stimulated she needs that constant touch she needs to be constantly spoken to she needs that interaction with other people and from there she will do nothing but thrive and succeed (I do?)
Jackie needs to get revenge.
Jackie needs to get run over by a set of these (as set of what?

You should try this! It's good for a laugh. Just go to google (or any other search engine) and type "(your name) needs" in quote marks.