ugh still sick ... yep that's right, it's been a whole month now, and I'm still sick. I'm not really sure what is wrong with me ... just that my immune system is low and I've had 2 different infections, and it's none too fun. Lots of coughing, blowing my nose, and ear infections .. but I THINK I might be coming to an end of it all! yay!
Well, all you people have a wonderful day, and I'll hopefully talk to you later!!!
Luvs*
Jackie

Well though I am no longer feeling dry and broken, I'm still a little sad and lonely. I've discovered that I just do not like change period. Change is one of the many things that bring out the "yucky" in my heart. As I say good-bye to old staff members and welcome in the new ones, I've found that it gets harder instead of easier. I thought that since we did all of this craziness last year that it wouldn't be as hard this year. After Amy & Amy left, and Melissa and Laurie moved in ..... it was hard to accept new people at first but Melissa and Laurie were just so awesome that they had no problems filling the empty spaces in our office. But now Melissa and Laurie are leaving, and 4 new people are taking their spots. I won't see as much of them as I did the others, and things won't be as personal as they were before .. but something just doesn't feel right about the whole deal. I still haven't said all that I need to say to Melissa ... I keep meaning to write an email, but I never find the time. I've seen her a couple of times since she left, and each time we had to leave again it was a tug on both our hearts. Anyway, things will work out eventually. I will get into my groove again sooner or later .. but until then I just have to keep pushing through all the crap.

It's not just change at work that is getting to me either. Change in friends, change in family, and even change within myself is driving me crazy.

Friends grow up, go to college, make new friends, move on in life ... and though we once thought we'd be friends forever, and that no amount of distance could seperate us, it seems our ideas on all of that have changed as well. I'm great at telling other people about how God puts people into our lives for a reason, and even though we may think they will be there for a lifetime, He may not have those same plans in mind. Maybe they are there for 1 day, or maybe 1 year, or maybe some friendships really do last a life time ..... but in most cases people grow up, move on, make new friends, start new families, and we are left with nothing more than photographs and memories .. maybe the occasional phone call, letter, or email, but nothing like it was before. But I'm horriable at taking my own words to heart.

Change ... the 6 letter word that brings out the "yucky" in my heart. blah. I'm still trying to understand it all. But it seems like the more I try, the less I understand.

Anyway, I think I'll go for now. I'll talk to you people later!

*Luvs
Jackie



" I was so unique Now I feel skin deep I count on the make-up to cover it all Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention I thought I could be strong But it's killing me Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me Fighting to make the mirror happy Trying to find whatever is missing Won't you help me back to glory "

Hmm today is a sad, lonely, depressing day. I pretty much feel dry and broken. Sometimes I just wish I knew what it was that made me have these days so I could rid it from my life. God's grace is amazing, and he lifts me whenever I feel down .. but sometimes I feel so far away, and though I keep reaching, instead of Him getting closer, it seems like he only gets further away. It is really starting to bring out the "yucky" in my heart (as Amy would say! :))

Anyway, Project Respect is in it's new transition period. All of the old people are packing up and moving out, and the new people are moving in. Melissa was in the office today .. just to see her makes me want to cry. It's amazing how close you can get to a person, and then how quickly the get ripped away from you. I don't think I've opened up to a person like I have to Melissa ... hmm not even to Kerry which is amazing. And now .. now .. now she's gone. Sometimes I wish I could understand that rational of it all .. sit back and understand why everything happens as it does. If I could just have a glimps of what the future brings and how this had to happen in order for that to happen .. maybe .. just maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad. I wish I could pull her in close and show her the footprints she has left on my heart. Anyway, just because she's leaving Project Respect doesn't mean we won't talk or see each other. We will still email, talk on the phone, have lunch together etc .... it just isn't the same as seeing her everyday, and being able to talk to her in person whenever I wanted to. So many things left to tell her ... so many things she doesn't know. ahh *insert a deep sigh here* .. *add a cello for a sad impression*

Well, on a lighter, not so depressing, note, I met with Brenda Brenda Brenda last night for ice cream! :-) hmm I'm pretty sure I love that woman! I felt like I hadn't talked to her in FOREVER .. haha and I was actually nervous driving to her house! That's just insane! I thought I was past that stage! Anyway, our little meeting went well! Yummy ice cream .. great conversation ... haha and of course a lot of laughs ... and much to my surprise no tears on her part! That's pretty much a miracle! .. seeing how she ALWAYS cries! haha so I've given her a new nick name! It's Brenda"sir cries a lot, i worry all the time, please don't steal my identity" Clark! :-) haha long story, but it was hilarious to say the least! We talked about pretty much everything on could imagine talking about ... updated each other on important people in our lives .. watched Big Brother ... haha created her a myspace account (that was insane!) .. and just spent time together .... much needed time on my part! So yeah, it was great!

Hmm well now that I've gone from sad to happy all in one post, I hope everyone has a fantabulously splediferous day!!!! (as lissa would say! :))

*luvs
Jackie